Rules are made to be broken...?

I just realized it's been nearly three weeks since I last posted. A lot has happened in these weeks, the main (huge) event being the death of my birth mother on November 20. I'm also realizing that the last post was about the death of my friend Ken. Wow. What a few weeks. What a year. What a decade. I am looking forward to 2010, despite the fact that I've never really used years as markers; rather it's been events that have imprinted themselves into my memory and surfaced to remind me of what happened when. There was the move to Miami, New York, L.A., the birth of my son, the move to Austin, the move back. Then of course many things in between - sometimes it was the guys I went out with who stamped a date into my head; I could remember the music I was listening to or the color of my hair. Recently, I met up with someone I'd been involved with and he was shocked to see my long hair - he'd only ever known me as a tomboy with a buzz cut, hopping from club to club in New York. But, we all must grow up...

...which leads me to this post. This confession, if you will. One I'm embarrassed to have to admit, and not because of what I did but because of the rigid rules I so publicly rant about. So here it is: I went out with a 48-year-old who used to be a pro skater and who - gasp - still skateboards. I went out with him despite my rules, despite my belief that yes, he's probably too old to be on that skateboard, because of all the things I mentioned way early on and do still believe (broken bones, family to be accountable to, etc.). I went out knowing who he was, what he did, and that I was being a complete hypocrite. I went out with him even knowing I'd have to come here, 'fess up, and take the heat.

On the phone with him one night, I said "I'm not a teenager!" and his response was, "That's right. You're not. Now grow up and come meet me...". As I took his words in, this person I'd offhandedly assumed was a man-child, discounted over a piece of wood and some wheels, it occurred to me he was, in fact, the adult in this situation.

Because really, it takes an adult to see past the outside to get to the cool stuff inside. In the end, rules are ever evolving - made to be broken.

At least that's what I'm telling myself.